Home birth is an empowering albeit scary journey, but one that I would take again and recommend to all pregnant mamas who are interested, but only with the right preparations and team in place.
After days of warm up or Braxton Hicks contractions, my labor started in the middle of the night with surges that woke me up, and I knew these felt different. The next 18 hours passed rather peacefully; connecting with loved ones, listening to music and dancing in our living room, walking through the garden and neighborhood, soaking up our last few hours as a family unit of 2. Per the advice of my midwives & doula, I rested and nourished myself as much as I could. I didn’t fully grasp the magnitude of the work I had ahead of me.
The intensity gradually built; my mom & husband got a couple hours of much needed rest (the help needs to be in their best shape too!) and I spent this alone time diving deep into myself, into my womb, having the biggest pep talk with my babe I’d had yet.
“I’m ready for you, your dad is ready for you, our family is ready for you, the WORLD is ready for you. We’ve created a safe space where you will always know love. Come little one, we’re ready for you.”
The physical pain escalated beyond what I’d ever imagined; each surge came over my body like a wave; I got through by focusing only on breathing. My eyes closed each time and I pictured holding my baby in my arms. “Each surge brings your baby closer to you” was repeated over and over.
How did I feel?
scared ~ exhilarated ~ excited ~ strong ~ capable
My mind & body were pumping with adrenaline, the anticipation of this human’s arrival peaking to its climax.
Feeling her descend was the most uncomfortable and most exciting, the biggest battle in trusting the process and my body. I leaned into my love for my baby, my body opened and she slipped out into the world.
When I saw she was a girl, it was like a key fit into its lock deep inside me. I’d known her name, Eliza, for months, yet couldn’t be 100% that this is how it would end up. The tears flowed, my heart opened in a way I’d never felt.
It was this moment that I was born as a mother.
“We have a secret in our culture, and it’s not that birth is painful. It’s that women are strong.”
~Laura Stavoe Harm
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